I’m about to celebrate my 28th Christmas. That means I’ve seen The Nutcracker, let’s say, give or take, 20 times.

…Not including all of the VHS tape showings I’ve sat through in years of teaching and taking dance lessons myself.

20-something times later, I still feel all the feels. It never gets old, and I never run out of ignorant and ridiculous reactions. So here you have it, forty thoughts that danced through my mind watching Boston Ballet’s The Nutcracker 2016::

1. The chin-up bright-eyed the-world-is-my-oyster look of joy Delia Wada-Gill just offered the audience as she walked to center stage is the same look I get on my face when I walk into a doughnut shop and I hope she never forgets that feeling.
2. OOH chIIIIIlls at that first note GAME. ON.
3. EEEP the urchins are the cutest little munchkins e-v-e-r.
4. Just me or does Drosselmeier resemble Evan from The Bachelorette?
5. God I hope Evan and Carly are still together.
6. I am in literal tears over the fact that there is a biracial couple at this party SO BOSTON SO BEAUTIFUL.
7. The men all just took a shot together is that a new addition to the choreo or have I been missing this action all these years?
8. Grandmother is lookin’ DAMN good for her age.
9. The Ballerina Doll might be the most underrated character of this entire ballet.
10. Welp another year another failed attempt to get this audience up for the standing ovation that Bear solo deserved.
11. God a nutcracker is SUCH a weird gift I can’t get over it.
12. Must have been the Hatchimal of 1816?
13. Is the tree growing or are we shrinking? Asking for a friend.
14. I know the rats are not very likable but can we all take a moment to appreciate how hard their job is?
15. You do realize that’s the same level as playing like Captain Hook or Jafar in Disney World right?
16. You have to be an amazing performer while wearing a fake head four times the size of your own sweating buckets and maintaining composure all while being booed by the audience.
17. GINGERBREAD MAN!!!
18. You are my favorite and I feel the same sort of affection toward you as I know many feel about Li’l Sebastian.
19. Snow Queen SLAY she is f-l-a-w-l-e-s-s.
20. Not sure if I’m just more in tune to it now or if it’s a commentary on current events but this pas de deux is giving off a serious feminist vibe and I am digging IT #girlpower
21. I just want this to be my life.
22. Would I really want this life?
23. You’d, like, never be available for Christmas parties.
24. No it’d be worth it.
25. But like, spiked hot chocolate.
26. Worth it still want this life.

27. My vote for the most impressive thing in this show really should be the number of pirouettes Misa Kuranaga can do or how flexible Lia Cirio is but I really cannot stop thinking about how flawlessly that crown goes onto Clara’s head and how it’s able to stay there for the next 45 minutes.
28. If I am so lucky as to have a son he will be forced into ballet for the sole purpose of becoming one of these adorable baby guards one day.
29. The Spanish set looks like the most fun double date ever.
30. Why do we never discuss the Arabian set’s precious baby snake charmers who sit so politely and patiently on the side?
31. I’m feeling slightly uncomfortable and I’m not sure if it’s because of the eerie music or looking at her abs while acknowledging the amount of pumpkin pie I just ate.
32. This is goals.
33. Starting a Change.org petition to lengthen the Chinese set.
34. TheRussiansaremyfavoritepartofthisentireshowI’msorrynotsorryIcan’tdenyityou’reallbeautiful.
35. BLACK SHEEP BLACK SHEEP I want to snuggle you!!!
36. Waltz of the Flowers SOGOOD right now is it always this good?
37. Ashley Ellis you are Hilary Duff in A Cinderella Story.
38. Forget the rats, pretty sure the most difficult role of this entire show is that of the soldier who has to stand guard for virtually half of this act and is played by what must be an 8-year-old boy aka the most impatient age and gender combination of all time.
39. The Grand Pas de Deux is a literal dance-off and how have I never noticed that before?
40. Misa def just mic-dropped.

Where can you too indulge in The Nutcracker Boston friends? Mikko Nissinen’s adaptation will be playing at the Boston Opera House through December 31st, and tickets start at just $35 {#stockingstuffer}. Forgive me for being blunt, but you will regret not making time for this production.

Photos by Liza Voll, courtesy of Boston Ballet

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Full disclosure:: I was provided with two complimentary tickets to The Nutcracker
for the purpose of this review. All opinions expressed are my own, and I have
attended Boston Ballet’s The Nutcracker in many years past, unsponsored.