I had the pleasure of attending the dress rehearsal of Boston Ballet’s Third Symphony of Gustav Mahler, running through November 1st at the Boston Opera House. Approximately 12 seconds in, I knew that a) I was never going to want it to end, and b) I was never going to be able to give it the review it deserves. So rather, I ask you to read Jeffrey Gantz’s praise in The Boston Globe for a proper synopsis and take this, possibly the most academic review of a professional ballet performance e-v-e-r, with a grain of salt.
1. The theater is quite empty and I feel a bit like Hugh Grant in Notting Hill when he gets snuck into a press meeting per request of Julia Roberts.
2. Should I say shell chic’d or Horse & Hound if anyone asks?
3. I hate telling people “what publication I write for.” Like shell SHOCKED, ok?
4. Shoot I didn’t do my research ahead of time, what’s this ballet about?
5. Hi Smita!
6. You’d think that as someone who has danced for the last 22 years, I’d know a bit more about ballets beyond the realm of Sleeping Beauty-Swan Lake-Nutcracker.
7. Holy stage full of men.
8. Is it all men?
9. I’ve never seen men push up so gracefully.
10.Say men one more time.
11. So this is what it means to be sitting on the edge of your seat.
12. I cannot comprehend the extent of this physical strength.
13. And people think ballet is just tutus and reindeer.
14. They’re standing on their heads.
15. THEY’RE STANDING ON THEIR HEADS.
16. I’m supposed to be photographing and studying critically but my jaw is down and I can’t think about anything other than the fact that there are four men holding four men holding four additional men and they have to do this every night for the next for the next 12 nights and are they even breaking a sweat?
17. Anyone who has ever made a joke about men in tights has never seen these men in tights.
18. You can see the sweat splat every time they hit their chests. That’s dedication.
19. A female! She lives!
20. IT’S DUSTY BUTTON. We go way back. She assisted in a master class I took when I was 15. I’ve stalked her via social media ever since. Like I tried to add her to my Top 8 on MySpace.
21. Yes, Dusty Button is her real name.
22. I mean, as far as I know.
23. I wonder if we’re neighbors?
24. Her leg is longer than my entire body.
25. This “Summer” movement is a vision in pastels.
26. Seo Hye Han is an actual doll and I’d like her legs please.
27. They’re dancing in silence. Do you know how hard it is to dance in silence? I don’t mean around your bedroom in your underwear I mean in front of 2,500 people and you’re not even wearing underwear. Tights don’t count.
28. Where is that voice com–
29. Oh! A chorus!
30. And a soloist!
31. There’s something you don’t see in Swan Lake.
32. Have they been sitting there the whole time or…?
33. We’ve gone from sunflowers to death and back again.
34. I love simple but purposeful costuming.
35. Tutus are so overrated anyway.
36. “There will be no intermission during tonight’s performance” might be the 8 scariest words for a tired dancer to hear uttered.
37. Oh Lasha Khozashvili you exceptional man I do hope you get a good night’s sleep tonight.
38. I could see this performance 8 more times and always find something or someone new to watch.
40. That was not your sister’s dance recital.
Boston Ballet’s Mahler’s Third Symphony is running until November 1st (coming up quickly!) at the Boston Opera House, and tickets can be purchased here! Do yourself a favor and don’t miss this– tickets start at just $35.