I’ve been hashtag blessed to have gotten to sample a number of fancy fitness classes around the city recently {whattup Recycle + XTend Barre–chattin’ about you two soon too!}. They’ve all done a swell job of kicking my Girl-Scout-cookie-induced bum, but the most insane of all was ((305)) Fitness. WOWZA.

In sticking with the I-don’t-actually-know-how-to-review-art-or-fitness tradition, I figure I’ll just tell ya what went down at my 305 Fitness Boston class last month. I believe they call this, stream of consciousness.

• Have somewhat successfully maneuvered my way through David Barton aka most intimidating gym EVER. Am in group fitness room. No turning back now.
• I mean, how hard can it be? It’s like a dance class right? I’m sure I’ve done worse.
• HEY OMG NORA!
• I used to dance with her in college. Were we on the same level? Apparently she’s a regular here but if she can do it I can do it?(????)
• Bloggers spotted. The number of people I know here is rising and so is my blood pressure.
• Holy hell there’s a reporter approaching don’t say anything embarrassing don’t say anything embarrassing.
• Chainsmokers is playing and this song gives me life I needed that boost of undeserved confidence.
• There’s {founder} Sadie ohmygawd she is sofa king FIT.
• “Who’s new here?” So PROUD to raise my hand they take it easier on you when you’re new.
• At least that’s what I’ve heard?
• SADIE KNOWS MY NAME I have never felt such celeb status.
• No wait that def means she’s going to call me out once this mayhem starts.
• I’m going to start in the front line not because I’m confident but because I can’t see and absolutely refuse to wear contacts.
• HERE WE GO.
• “This is not a dance class this is a party” is never a good sign to us un-athletic beings.
• NO WATER BREAKS?!
• 12 seconds in and I’m sweating.
• 44 seconds in and I’m going to puke.
• What did I eat before this?
• Generate escape plan.
• SHE MOVES SO FAST.
• WHO ARE THESE TALENTED ATHLETIC SASSY BEAUTIFUL ROBOT PEOPLE.
• Oh god a f*cking photographer is approaching.
• “Pick a partner and face them.”
• Kristina and I literally cannot even coordinate high kicks without hitting each other.
• I’ve never been so grateful for slow hip rolls and booty pops.
• This male dancer has the best high kick I’VE EVER SEEN.
• Name that movie.
• He’s doing a split.
• A SPLIT.
• Do I have to do anything tomorrow that requires moving? 
• Can you call out sick on account of an exercise hangover?
• Water breaks do exist!!!
• “Switch places.” But I’ve slowly made my way from the front to the middle already….
• Front to back back to front middle stays in the middle right?
• Chair pose oh good I’ve been doing yoga I got this.
• She says we’re almost done!! I really got this!!
• Oh. She meant with that section. 
• They have light-up sneakers if that isn’t goals I don’t know what is.
• Just realized I’m not even following the choreography anymore I’m one-hundred percent just jumping around to the beat to stay afloat but at least I have musicality going for me?
• Shit Sadie is coming near me GIVE IT YOUR ALL EMILY.
• I’VE HAD THIS MUCH ENERGY THE WHOLE TIME GIRLFRIEND I SWEAR.
• I don’t want to say Sadie’s a monster because that implies malicious intent and not a robot because no robot can roll their hips so sexily but she cannot possibly be human.
• SHE IS QUEEN.
• I’M STILL ALIVE dontpukedontpukedontpuke.
• I’m coming back tomorrow.

Epilogue

• Whew ok let’s get out of here.
• Shoot. Combo isn’t working. I swear this is where my locker was?
• This looks a little different I must be in the room on the other side of the showers.
• This doesn’t look right either.
• A MAN A MAN A MAN I’M ABSOLUTELY IN THE MENS LOCKER ROOM.
• WHERE’S THE EXIT TO THIS BUILDING?!?!?
• I now am never able to return to David Barton Gym.

Fortunately for me, 305 Fitness Boston has actually just moved to its new home(s)! You can take weekday classes at BFX Studio in Copley Square, and The Z Spot in the South End on weekends.

No joke this was absolutely the hardest fitness class I’ve ever been to but ho-ly goodness was it fun. And talk about a #girlboss of a founder {she did so while still in college!!}.

You do NOT need dance training to have a blast in this class. Just be prepared for some wicked cahdio kid![ follow along love! instagram | twitter | rss | bloglovin ]

Full disclosure: I received a complimentary ((305)) Fitness class pass for the purpose of this review. All opinions expressed are my own and HELL YES am I going back on my own dime.