And just like that, it’s December again. A year ago at this time I was desperately trying to come up with an excuse for why I was turning down some pre-show champagne and charcuterie (two of my main food groups), and now I’m frantically brushing my four-month-old’s spit up out of my just-washed-for-the-first-time-in-five-days hair. Cheers!
I’ve done some deep analyses of Boston Ballet’s The Nutcracker over the last half decade. Well researched not ironic at all insight on costumes, characters. This year, I’m running on sub 6 hours of sleep and a turkey hangover, so my stream of consciousness is truly the best you are going to get.
1. Interesanté, turns out there was a red + white attendee attire requirement for which I did not receive the memo.
2. But I’m wearing white and am permanently flushed so joke’s on them.
3. How is this also the second year in a row I’m sitting adjacent to someone wearing a velvet bodycon dress?
4. You just don’t forget that.
5. Is 1:28 in the afternoon REALLY too soon for champagne though?
6. I feel like this is a yolo opportunity .
7. Welp too late.
8. This Clara means business.
9. Truly never noticed that the sweeper was actually needed to clear the stage! Well done!
10. How has it taken me 25 years of watching this ballet to realize Clara and Wendy Moira Angela Darling might be the same person?
Clara photo by Angela Sterling, courtesy of Boston Ballet;
Wendy photo courtesy of Disney, I guess?
11. The party scene is my favorite scene and I cannot lie!!!!
12. The dads taking Fireball (I assume) shots in the corner will never not make me lol.
13. I’m normally all, hashtag feminism girls rule girl power I’m so sick of running as fast as I can wondering if I’d get there quicker if I was a man, but I do feel a teensy bit for these little bebe cutie boys who I imagine just aren’t getting the same amount of attention as their female coworkers.
14. And we must encourage male dancers from a young age!!!!
15. Granny and Gramps tryna hang is just next level adorable.
16. Wait,
17. Is Clara,
18, Gloating?
19. TAUNTING even?
20. She seems a little too smug in her showing off this shiny new toy.
21. Possibly unpopular opinion but COULD she have had it coming then?
22. Well now the whole squad’s got Nutcrackers when did this happen?
23. Special snowflakes.
24. (Kidding)
25. No no no, those littles boys couldn’t be carrying toy –
26. GUNS really guys seriously?!
27. God bless Bear still the strongest cast member on this stage every year I tell ya.
28. What is a normal reaction for the soloist who just found out they were cast as Bear?
29. Is it like an honor or a groan or is this a volunteer position?
Photo by Angela Sterling; courtesy of Boston Ballet
30. More rats this year!!
31. Is Mikko sitting there refreshing choreography and staging and is just like, yes, we need more rats this year.
32. Are they mice or rats?
33. Mouseeee King right right you’d think I’m new here.
34. Justice for Gingerbread Man!!
35. Is that a coconut Mouse King is ready to fight with or?
36. Lol remember when Nutcracker fashion had its moment
37. Baller grand jetés there team.
38. Are the reindeer actually pulling that sleigh or is this a trick?
39. Fresh Nutcracker y’all! Hel-lo Lasha!
40. Never realized there is some third wheeling going on here.
41. I know one of the 84 main rules of ballet is to be light on your feet but there is something so delicious about the sound of pointe shoes hitting the ground to me.
42. Murrr the littles are so cute I miss Eloise.
43. Does the Opera House have a mother’s room?
44. Feeling a little full suddenly.
45. Sorry but when did Nutcracker Prince change clothes?
Photo by Angela Sterling; courtesy of Boston Ballet
46. I would happily sit through an entire 2.5 hour performance of the Arabian dance alone.
47. Andddd somehow every new baby black sheep ends up cuter than the last.
48. Pastorale is basically just a 2-on-1 first made famous by The Bachelor™ franchise.
49. These Russians appear to be new and I’m skeptical.
50. One looks like Hugh Grant.
51. Where the actual hell are Isaac and Lawrence.
52. OK OK I take it back you have my seal of approval!
53. Honestly why would anyone ever pay $32 for a cycling class when they could just learn a fraction of the Russian choreography and be done with their workout for the entire week?
54. Entire month in my lazy ass case.
55. Everyone’s all high on Snow Queen and Sugar Plum Fairy and ok rightfully so but shouldn’t Flower Queen also get a little more credit here?
I later confirm Flower Queen is actually Dew Drop. Who knew.
56. Aha you’re all clapping thinking it’s over but I know it’s not over.
57. You’re doing amazing sweeties. See ya next year!
At the time I’m writing this there are exactly 26 more performances of Boston Ballet’s The Nurcracker 2019 and you deserve to be at one! Learn more & get tickets here.
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